Judging Impedes Forgiveness
Our lives go by quickly as we ceaselessly seek something that brings us satisfaction in the short-, medium-, or long-term. We avoid pain and pursue what is gratifying and pleasurable. Yet often, we sabotage ourselves in our selfish eagerness to interpret the world only in our own way, through our own eyes, feelings, and thoughts.
That egocentrism can sometimes cross the line and become arrogance—even stubbornness—and in that obsessive race to impose our rules on the world around us, we succumb to the reality in front of us.
The reality of the world is that in order to grow and live a peaceful life, we must free ourselves from the chains of selfishness and start giving others a chance. It means putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, considering that perhaps the person who hurt us didn’t do so with a deliberate, pre-planned attack, but instead, that person may be going through a difficult time in his or her life. Or, maybe, we just recognize the truth: that we are all children of God, created in His likeness, each one of us unique and unpredictable. We cannot expect everyone to think or act like us. That will never happen. We must accept that others have different ways of managing daily stress, of reacting to the conflicts that arise, and in one way or another, they may hurt us, and, we in turn, will feel attacked.
Let me give you an example. I work in the pharmaceutical industry. On one occasion, I felt viciously attacked by a colleague during a work meeting. He held a higher position than I did, and, as he loudly demanded that I should have considered his ideas to solve a problem, I felt that he was trying to humiliate me in public. I left the meeting very upset and unhappy, because I thought he was abusing the authoritative power granted to him by the company due to his executive position. I silently held a grudge for many years, even after moving to a different pharmaceutical company.
Then, several years later, when my daughter Christy was battling cancer, her doctors needed to try some experimental drugs for her condition. These drugs were still being developed and had not yet been approved by regulatory agencies in the U.S. That same senior executive—whom I resented years earlier and hadn’t interacted with since leaving the company—answered my call, showed tremendous compassion for my daughter, and moved heaven and earth in his company (the only one in the world developing that drug) to ensure we were provided the medication free of charge for my daughter’s treatment.
What a lesson!!! My judgment of this man had prevented me from forgiving him and, in the process, had imprisoned my heart and inhibited its healing.
Another beautiful example came to Monica, my wife, from our daughter, Christy, who was in the final stages of her struggle. The two of them went to a bazaar in the town where we live. Several of Christy’s friends were there, including one she was longing to see that day. Unfortunately, this friend walked right past them without even saying, “Hello.” With her protective motherly instinct, Monica said to Christy, “She’s not a good friend.” Christy – who was just 11 years old – responded, “Mommy, you can’t judge people. Maybe she has a problem or didn’t realize I was here.”
Two months later, Christy passed away. The first condolence message that Monica received from Christy’s friends came from that very girl Monica had pre-judged. In her message, she said that she loved Christy very much and that Monica could always count on her support for anything she might need—even just for company.
This was yet another great life lesson!
Buddha wisely said that holding a grudge in your heart toward another person without forgiving them is like drinking poison; every day you are hurting yourself and slowly dying while the other person goes on living their life unconcerned and unaware.
In John 8:6-7, we learn that when the Pharisees wanted to stone a woman accused of adultery, Jesus bent down and began writing on the ground with his finger. And as they kept questioning him, Jesus stood up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Let us, as Jesus taught us, avoid judging others and embrace the healing power of forgiveness.

Fernando Dangond, MD, was born in Colombia, South America. He and his wife, Monica, live in Weston, MA, and have been blessed with two sons Daniel and David and a beautiful daughter, Christina (the inspiration behind Build the Faith) who left to be with the Lord 7 years ago.
Dr. Dangond, is a neurologist and scientist who works for a pharmaceutical company developing medicines to treat devastating neurological diseases.