A Love for Life
Reflecting on the significant challenges that today’s society poses to marriages and how the stability of homes is increasingly threatened, we asked ourselves: What is required to build healthy marriages that last a lifetime?
We concluded that the key lies in mutual commitment and perseverance.
Commitment means setting aside individualism to form a “we.” It involves striving daily to make the other person happy and giving up things that prevent unity. This commitment is essential to guard the heart as something sacred, meant only for him/her, and to close the door to any other distractions, such as excessive work that steals time from the couple, unnecessary outings with coworkers, inappropriate dressing, or sharing problems with the wrong person.
Perseverance means staying firm in our identity as spouses and in the commitments we have made; understanding that love is more than a feeling, it is an act of will that renews every day.
“Falling in love comes and goes, it has highs and lows; it is typical of feelings.”1 Therefore, it is crucial to realize that “there will be many occasions when we will have to sail without wind, rowing against the tide, and it will be hard, and it will ‘hurt’… Who said that love is a bed of roses?”2
It is at this point that we need to understand that crises are part of our lives and necessary for our growth, both individually and as a couple.
As the popular saying goes, “no pain, no gain;” in marriage, crises are necessary to mature and strengthen our love. When the tough winds arrive, we must stay firm, persevering in our decision to keep loving and committing ourselves, and we will find great lights that will strengthen our union, even if society tells us it is better to change course.
Crises are inevitable and necessary; however, what we must have at hand are effective tools to use in these moments of crisis which give us an opportunity to strengthen the marital bond. The key tool par excellence is communication and spending time together.
In this regard, we found Rosamaría Aguilar Puiggrós’ practical recommendations to foster good marital communication very valuable3:
- Promote a weekly space for leisure and rest to enjoy in your own way: a dinner, an excursion, a movie or theater outing, an art exhibition, or doing sports together.
- Take care of the moments to talk about the family project: personal ones and those of each child and how to approach them.
- Show a mutual act of affection each day.
- Respect each other’s personal space for God and individual time. It enriches.
We are convinced that despite the challenging outlook for young marriages, with God’s help, it is possible to attain the necessary graces to build a love for life.
From our part, we must pray and live united with the sacraments, but also educate the heart and mind to foster healthy communication with our spouses and a virtuous love. All of this, in the midst of a total commitment to the happiness and holiness of the other, and with a persevering spirit to fight to stay together whenever necessary.
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1 Aguilar Puiggrós, Rosamaría. “The tapestry of marriage: time and dedication.” Opus Dei, November 28, 2016, https://opusdei.org/es-co/article/el-tapiz-del-matrimonio-tiempo-y-dedicacion/#_ftnref5
2 Ibid.
3 Ibid.
Juan and Sofia were born into Catholic families in Colombia, South America. They met on Juan’s Patron Saint Feast Day, Saint John Bosco, January 31st and recently got married on the 31st of July. Both have encountered Jesus in their lives and decided to follow him with great commitment.
Juan is a Political Scientist and also a great golfer. He works in the Wine and Spirits Industry.
Sofia is a commercial real estate lawyer and works at her family-owned business. They currently live in Cali, Colombia.
Juan and Sofia are increasingly passionate about the apostolic mission with the youth and young professionals. They are committed to showing the love of God and his mysteries through the beauty of the sacrament of marriage and friendship. Both have lived their conversion through different spiritualities within the Church, such as the charismatic renewal, parish groups (Emaus and Effeta), Mana (a self-founded apostolic group) and Opus Dei. This last one is currently where both congregate and receive all their spiritual formation and guidance. Although they have much to learn, they are eager to share their testimony with all the readers.