The Patience of Forgiveness
God is perfect. We are not. Those are fundamental tenets of the Christian faith. As St. Paul says in his letter to the Romans, we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) He doesn’t say some have sinned. He says all – me, you, and every other human being, living and dead.
There are two other tenets that go along with these: God is eternal and we exist in time. Although we fall short, our condition is not a flat line. In some ways, it’s circular. We sin, we confess our sins, our sins are forgiven, we sin again, and so on. We hope that the pattern helps us consistently do better, “continuous improvement,” as business leaders like to say, but it’s not always that simple. We will continue to have our ups and downs, our highs and lows. Our progress does not happen in a smooth, straight line. At times we rise above our sinful nature, and at times we sink beneath their weight. That’s only human. Despite it all, God loves us. Because God loves us, God uses our mistakes, our failures, and our rough patches to help us become better versions of ourselves.
This past year I’ve been writing a memoir. It covers some of the most formative years of my life. Thinking through key events and trying to articulate their importance in my formation has been enlightening. It has helped me see periods when God was acting in my life. It also has reminded me of times when I felt lost. With the benefit of hindsight, I’m better able to see that every misstep, every moment when I lost sight of my beliefs and fell further from God’s ways was also another step towards a stronger, more deeply rooted faith. I’m grateful to everyone who refrained from judging me during those dark periods. I’m grateful, too, to those who helped me get through them.
The insights I’ve been gaining about myself have helped me see others in a more forgiving light. The person who seems lost to me now may just be at a low point in their life’s journey, one that will eventually lead them to higher ground. The bully may be on a path towards kindness. The hateful may be moving towards compassion. The spiritually blind may one day see. When we encounter others, we encounter them in time. We don’t know where they are on their journeys, in what directions they are heading, or how the passage of time will change them. We do know that they are just as precious in God’s sight as we are, and that God works in ways we can’t always comprehend. Maybe that’s one reason Jesus tells us not to judge. Maybe that’s one reason He taught us to pray that God will forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Today’s unrepentant sinners may be tomorrow’s saints. We just may be catching them at a bad time.
From my youth I remember a saying that used to appear on buttons and bumper stickers. It read: “Please be patient, God is not finished with me yet.” That gift of patience is an aspect of grace. As someone who still struggles to live as Jesus taught us, I rely on God’s grace every day. In turn, God expects me to extend grace to others. The people I am tempted to dismiss I should recognize as my brothers and sisters. Rather than judge them, I should pray for and help them. Wherever their journeys take them, and whatever stages in their journeys they’ve reached, they will always be God’s children. Who am I to see them any other way?
Don Frederico is a writer and retired lawyer living in Mashpee, Massachusetts, where he serves as a Lector at Christ the King Parish. Before he retired, Don served on the boards of several nonprofits, including as President of the Boston Bar Association and Board Chair of the College of Wooster. Don also has taught courses at Cornell Law School and Boston College Law School. He authors the Substack “Reflections of a Boston Lawyer,” and hosts a podcast called “Higher Callings.” Don is currently writing a memoir focused on his life, his work, and his faith journey.
