Go to God First
I was in my early thirties when I started feeling extremely intense anxiety about seemingly nothing even though my life was going well at the time. I had everything I needed to be happy – a fulfilling relationship, a great job, a supportive family, caring friends, and perfect health. Yet, the only place where I was at peace was in a small chapel in the back of a big church in my hometown of Caracas. It was a very difficult time. In order to function and cope with this new, unfamiliar, feeling I developed a routine that I followed every day for several weeks. Each day after work, I would stop at a local flower shop to get flowers and make my way to the chapel. I didn’t even have to talk; just sitting there in front of Our Lady was enough to feel the peace that I had not felt during those long and trying days. The flower shop owner thought I was in love. One day he jokingly said, “So who is the lucky guy?” He was right. I was in love. In love with the sense of peace and security that I felt in that little chapel; in love with the calm and enamored with the only time during the day that my mind was not spinning and wrestling with catastrophic thoughts.
Later in life, I’ve encountered multiple challenges that are very different in nature; fighting infertility, losing loved ones, dealing with professional challenges, managing health crises, and seeing my sons leave their childhood home. In every one of those trials, I have intuitively followed the same routine: going daily to a chapel, church or place to pray. A place where I could feel God’s presence and comfort. Every time, again and again I resorted to visiting my best friend, with the conviction that everything was going to be just fine.
Sadly however, it’s taken me years to understand that. In a society that values independence, resourcefulness and grit, God was not always my first option. For the longest time I tried to solve problems myself. I consulted “experts,” researched best practices, and tortured myself to exhaustion with potential outcomes, without realizing that God was right in front of me, ready to love me, comfort me and reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
It has taken many years and hard work to purposefully nurture my relationship with God, to learn to surrender and trust his will. Although it continues to be difficult, I remind myself of all the times in the past when, after looking for solutions and peace everywhere, the answer was first and only God. So now, I know where to go first, and I know how that will make me feel; and I know that it will be the only place where I will find the peace that I desire…
Go to God first. He will be there, and he will give you the peace that you can’t find anywhere else.
Maria Eugenia was born in Caracas, Venezuela, the oldest of four siblings. She lives in Bolton, Massachusetts with Alex, her husband of 22 years, and Rocky, their 2-year old French Bulldog. Alex and Maria Eugenia are parents to twin boys Carlos and Luis, 18, both college freshmen. Maria Eugenia was raised in a Catholic family, though her Catholic faith had not always been present in her life. Maria Eugenia was inspired by Christina’s journey and by the beautiful way in which her parents and close friends choose to maintain her legacy. Christina’s faith has reframed her perspective of life and has given her a newfound source of strength and purpose.