The Gift of Love
Love is the essential gift. Everything else, which is given to us without our deserving it, becomes a gift by virtue of love.(Joseph Pieper, German philosopher)
The word love has been so discredited that we almost no longer dare to pronounce it. We prefer to use expressions such as humanity, solidarity, or appreciation.
In Russian, there is a word for love, lubovatsja, which means “to love with one’s gaze,” meaning one can only love what is beautiful, what is contemplated. To love means to affirm someone as good; it is to turn toward that person, to look at them, and to say: “It is good that you are in the world; it is good that you exist.” Just as God, in creating man, saw that he was good and delighted in his existence, so human love must be a reproduction and continuation of that creative love.
Yet, it is not enough to say, “It is good that you exist.” One must also ask: “Why do I want you to exist?” Is it for your sake or because it serves my interests? Love must be rightly oriented if it is to truly be love.
Authentic love is never owed, deserved, or demanded. It is a pure gift, like the love of God. It is a divine privilege to be more often the lover than the beloved. Still, we can never equal the love of God.
Even so, affirming the existence of the beloved does not mean accepting everything that the beloved thinks or does without reservation. It doesn’t mean ignoring what is wrong or dismissing offenses as unimportant. It also does not mean that that the beloved will live without suffering, but rather, that he or she will live in goodness and truth. Unfortunately, love sometimes, inadvertently, wounds.
The primary form of love is the desire to be happy; it is both the beginning and the end of our love. Even the martyrs, in giving their lives for Christ, sought happiness—though not in this world. What is truly contrary to love is not hatred, but the desperate indifference of the one to whom nothing matters. Thus, the inability to suffer stems from the inability to love and Hell is the pain of being unable to love.
Since to love one must go beyond self-love, that which is not loved for its own sake cannot truly be said to be loved. The one who seeks only personal enjoyment at all costs ends up lost on the road of despair.
In summary, only by loving the First Lover—by keeping our gaze fixed on Him and contemplating Him—can we truly love ourselves and all creatures, thus continuing the work of creation in which “everything is loved by God.”
Mother María Elena Martínez is a nun, born in Mexico City, where she still resides today. She has had a consecrated life for more than 30 years. She is currently a member of a community called María Madre del Amor which is dedicated to evangelization through Emmaus retreats in parishes and prisons and Sicar retreats for young people.
