Go to God First
I was in my early thirties when I started feeling extremely intense anxiety about seemingly nothing even though my life was going well at the time. I had everything I needed to be happy – a fulfilling relationship, a great job, a supportive family, caring friends, and perfect health. Yet, the only place where I was at peace was in a small chapel in the back of a big church in my hometown of Caracas. It was a very difficult time. In order to function and cope with this new, unfamiliar, feeling I developed a routine that I followed every day for several weeks. Each day after work, I would stop at a local flower shop to get flowers and make my way to the chapel. I didn’t even have to talk; just sitting there in front of Our Lady was enough to feel the peace that I had not felt during those long and trying days. The flower shop owner thought I was in love. One day he jokingly said, “So who is the lucky guy?” He was right. I was in love. In love with the sense of peace and security that I felt in that little chapel; in love with the calm and enamored with the only time during the day that my mind was not spinning and wrestling with catastrophic thoughts.
Later in life, I’ve encountered multiple challenges that are very different in nature; fighting infertility, losing loved ones, dealing with professional challenges, managing health crises, and seeing my sons leave their childhood home. In every one of those trials, I have intuitively followed the same routine: going daily to a chapel, church or place to pray. A place where I could feel God’s presence and comfort. Every time, again and again I resorted to visiting my best friend, with the conviction that everything was going to be just fine.
Sadly however, it’s taken me years to understand that. In a society that values independence, resourcefulness and grit, God was not always my first option. For the longest time I tried to solve problems myself. I consulted “experts,” researched best practices, and tortured myself to exhaustion with potential outcomes, without realizing that God was right in front of me, ready to love me, comfort me and reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
It has taken many years and hard work to purposefully nurture my relationship with God, to learn to surrender and trust his will. Although it continues to be difficult, I remind myself of all the times in the past when, after looking for solutions and peace everywhere, the answer was first and only God. So now, I know where to go first, and I know how that will make me feel; and I know that it will be the only place where I will find the peace that I desire…
Go to God first. He will be there, and he will give you the peace that you can’t find anywhere else.
Maria Eugenia grew up in Caracas, Venezuela, raised in a Catholic family of three sisters and one brother. She currently lives in Framingham, Massachusetts, with Alex, her husband of 24 years, and their French Bulldog RoRo. They have twin sons, 21 years old, Carlos and Luis, who are about to graduate from the University of Wisconsin and Boston University respectively. Maria Eugenia and Alex are active servers of Build the Faith, and practice their faith with the support and inspiration of a close group of friends, and guided by the example and legacy of Christina Dangond and her family.
