Childlikeness
At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:1‑3)
I have often struggled with what this looks like in real life when adulting sometimes seems to remove all time and energy for childlike faith. Where will I work? Will I have enough money for groceries? When will I find the time to cook, or clean, or??? The lists seem to just go on and on sometimes. I know all the scriptures about God clothing the sparrows and wildflowers, but trusting like that can be exceedingly difficult and I sometimes think it is up to me to figure it all out. I cannot say I have a concrete understanding of what Jesus meant when he said we must “become like children,” but watching my daughter has taught me so much about what I think this can look like.
My daughter struggles with the effects of early attachment trauma. She did not bond with her first family as young children need, so she can get triggered, thinking she has been abandoned, even if I have only gone into the next room. Last year, on the day after Thanksgiving we went as a family to the LaSalette Shrine in Attleboro. While we were there, a hayride wagon came between my daughter and me and we were separated for a moment. Unbeknownst to me, she was with another adult in our group, but for a minute or two – which felt like years – I was the one in a panic. When we found each other, I tried to comfort her, saying that I knew she was scared. Unexpectedly, she screamed, “I am not scared, I am angry!” She was convinced I had left her. Her old wound had reopened; it was an aching beyond comfort. It took until Christmas Eve for her to fully recover from that incident. Reflecting back on what had happened, I realized that I, too, have found myself feeling abandoned; not by her, but by God. I have found myself frantically looking around for Him, even though I know His promise to never leave me.
Due to my daughter’s attachment trauma, she also did not develop the natural fear of strangers that most children do, so she must have constant supervision to ensure she does not wander off with someone she does not know. Besides this, because she is not used to counting on the grownups in her life, she has found herself in some tricky situations that she has tried to solve on her own. One time, she cut off a huge chunk of her hair because she had a wad of gum stuck in it. The more I reflect on her struggles, the more I see the similarities in my own relationship with God, the Father. I tend to try to do things on my own rather than seek God’s help.
There is another part of my daughter that I would describe as an almost miraculous wonder with everything in Creation. She squeals with delight at seeing a squirrel, bird, bug, or any other creature up close. She belts out the lyrics to all songs she hears on KLOVE in praise and worship. She has the sweetest, most innocent laughter that is infectious to even the greatest cynic. She understands and accepts God’s Word without question or doubt. To me this is especially mind boggling, considering she has only been a Catholic for three and a half years now and before that she had zero religion in her life. I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to be a daily witness to that childlikeness and am trying my hardest to learn how to go back to that in my own life. I am trying to learn how to slow down and enjoy the scenery of life a bit more, to see the good in people more often and to let others help me with the everyday struggles. Most importantly, I am trying to lean on God for everything instead of trying to figure it all out on my own.
Loving Father, I know you hear my concerns and the desires of my heart. I know you want only good things for me and my family. I know your love is unceasing and unconditional. Please help me to remember that in the struggles of life you never abandon me or expect me to solve it on my own. Help me to find joy in all the little miracles I encounter every day. Most importantly help me to draw closer to You with every single breath I take. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
