On Empathy
Several years ago, I was on a flight from Miami. I was seated on the aisle next to a younger man who seemed unsettled. He was squirming, sometimes encroaching on my space, and moaning. Before take-off, his phone rang several times, and he answered the calls in Spanish. Thinking only of myself, I was not happy with his behavior and thought of saying something, but kept my peace. Privately, I cursed my luck to be sitting next to him.
His phone rang one last time as the plane began its taxi down the runway, and he took the call. When it ended, the woman in the window seat asked if he was all right. He told her that his father died and that he loved him very much. He was on his way to reunite with his siblings for the funeral.
I felt bad that I had sat in judgment of the poor fellow without considering that he might be suffering and that his suffering might be far worse than my petty grievance. I asked him about his father and told him I was sorry for his loss. In a gesture of sympathy, I offered him a bag of baby carrots I had stashed in my briefcase, which he gladly took. When the plane landed, I wished him the best. He thanked me for my words and for the carrots, which were still in the unopened bag.
Learning why the man was squirming, moaning, and taking calls transformed my anger into empathy. I now saw him not as an annoying passenger, but as a wounded soul. Our brief exchange reminded me that every person has a story; that what we observe on the surface provides only the tiniest hint of who they are and what they’ve gone through, and that judging a person harshly based on such limited information is inconsistent with the second great commandment, that we love our neighbors as ourselves.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.” Empathy drives us to act with kindness. Our understanding of and sensitivity to the pain of others motivates us to provide healing and comfort. It leads us to follow the examples and teaching of Jesus and His apostles by acting with compassion towards everyone we encounter.
Though he didn’t use the word, Pope Leo spoke about empathy in his Christmas homily. Addressing some of the terrible suffering currently being inflicted on people throughout the world, he quoted Pope Francis, who said that “Jesus wants us to touch human misery, to touch the suffering flesh of others,” and to “enter into the reality of other people’s lives and know the power of tenderness.” In his own words, Pope Leo added: “When the fragility of others penetrates our hearts, when their pain shatters our rigid certainties, then peace has already begun.”
It’s impossible for us to know all the struggles others are facing. Individual suffering too easily gets lost in the reporting of massive numbers of victims of violence, hunger, and disease. False accusations against innocent strangers, and our own fear and apathy, can blind us to the reality and causes of our neighbors’ despair.
Jesus calls us to pierce the surface and recognize every person’s humanity. By His words and example, He urges us to see all people through a lens of understanding and love. Through leaders like Pope Francis and Pope Leo, He directs us to wield empathy as a lifeline for a troubled world.
Don Frederico is a writer and retired lawyer living in Mashpee, Massachusetts, where he serves as a Lector at Christ the King Parish. Before he retired, Don served on the boards of several nonprofits, including as President of the Boston Bar Association and Board Chair of the College of Wooster. Don also has taught courses at Cornell Law School and Boston College Law School. He authors the Substack “Reflections of a Boston Lawyer,” and hosts a podcast called “Higher Callings.” Don is currently writing a memoir focused on his life, his work, and his faith journey.
