Letting Go of Control in the Family Trenches
Ever since the newest member of our family arrived—our third child—life has taken a 180-degree turn. The house is louder, messier. Our routine now feels like a survival mission; but you know what? We’ve never been happier, because we’ve never experienced so deeply what it means to truly let go of control. Feeling fulfilled doesn’t mean everything is perfect; on the contrary, it means embracing the blessed chaos of having a “big” family in the 21st century.
Seeing the crib full and realizing we are instruments of God in forming this new soul is the greatest adventure we could have chosen. Yes, it is crazy—a risky bet in a world that constantly tells us, “Live comfortably, live alone, travel, close the factory.”
Yet here we are, in the trenches of marriage, rowing against the current, convinced that investing in family is the only move that truly matters.
In the midst of these trenches, the words of Jesús Urteaga in The Defects of the Saints have powerfully illuminated our path, encouraging us not to let our guard down and to humbly accept that only through divine grace can we accomplish the daily tasks of a “large” family.
Now, with three children, there are countless everyday situations where we simply don’t have enough hands. So many times, all we can do is close our eyes, pray, and leap into the unknown, trusting that our Father will guide us along the way. Sometimes we must keep going alone, but most of the time, God moves the hearts of family, friends, and even strangers who, seeing us, lend that extra helping hand we so desperately need—just at the right moment. We are constantly called to practice abandonment to God and to strengthen the humility of recognizing how small we are before the tasks entrusted to us.
The saints had many spiritual shortcomings—there was always something they lacked in order to fully do God’s will. Saint Peter was impulsive and denied Jesus at the crucial moment. Saint Paul was a persecutor of Christians before his conversion. Saint Jerome had a fiery temper that often led to conflict. They were, at times, a complete mess—yet their defects did not disqualify them. Instead, those very flaws became the raw material which, polished by Grace, led them to Heaven.
If God entrusted His kingdom to people with so many flaws and weaknesses, how could we ever think we are not capable of carrying out our mission? It won’t be our own strength that sustains this family—it will be God’s. He will do it through us, using us as His instruments. All we need is to be docile and open to His grace.
We, still learning to handle two kids and a newborn, look at the saints and feel relief. It reminds us that God doesn’t need us to be perfect to work through us. Humility begins by recognizing that we are not saints, that we make mistakes every day, that sometimes we say the wrong thing or act without thinking. Thus, we must become a little more “daring,” recognizing that holiness isn’t risk‑free; it’s a daily decision to “enter the fray.”
If the saints battled their faults, then true holiness is in perseverance: in refusing to give up and in a willingness to start again each day. In our home, that looks like staying calm with a crying baby while work waits, asking for forgiveness when we speak harshly, waking up early to pray or even making breakfast and lunchboxes. These small struggles and small victories become our path to Heaven.
Our third child is God’s reminder that He trusts our imperfectness. Though our parenting may be far from ideal, our mission is clear: to battle together, despite our limits, toward the fullness of Heaven. God doesn’t ask for perfection—only that we don’t quit. The call isn’t for “superheroes.” It’s for you and me, right in the middle of real life—diapers and all.
Holy Mary, Queen of the family, pray for us.
Juan and Sofia were born into Catholic families in Colombia, South America. They met on Juan’s Patron Saint Feast Day, Saint John Bosco, January 31st and recently got married on the 31st of July. Both have encountered Jesus in their lives and decided to follow him with great commitment.
Juan is a Political Scientist and also a great golfer. He works in the Wine and Spirits Industry.
Sofia is a commercial real estate lawyer and works at her family-owned business. They currently live in Cali, Colombia.
Juan and Sofia are increasingly passionate about the apostolic mission with the youth and young professionals. They are committed to showing the love of God and his mysteries through the beauty of the sacrament of marriage and friendship. Both have lived their conversion through different spiritualities within the Church, such as the charismatic renewal, parish groups (Emaus and Effeta), Mana (a self-founded apostolic group) and Opus Dei. This last one is currently where both congregate and receive all their spiritual formation and guidance. Although they have much to learn, they are eager to share their testimony with all the readers.
