There is nothing you could ever do to make God stop loving you. This is something that was said during a prayer group meeting I attended almost 10 years ago. Though it seems quite obvious to me now, the time I first heard those words I can tell you that nothing seemed further from the truth to me.
So why are those words coming to mind today you might ask? Well my daughter’s adoption is getting very close to being finalized. The excitement and anxiety over the finalization are causing her stress and presenting her with new challenges. The other night, she was able to go to a Kid’s Night Out event here in the town where we live. Because she is a remote learner and is pretty much with me 24/7, I try to give her opportunities to just be a kid and have fun with other kids her own age. At this event I felt confident that they would follow safety protocols and maintain social distancing.
When my daughter came home from her night out, I sensed that something was weighing on her. Because of this, she was struggling to get through her usual bedtime routine. When I went to see what the problem was, she was sitting half-dressed on the stool in her bedroom. As I walked in she came right out and asked, “Did my first parents not take care of me right or was I bad and that’s why I needed to be adopted?” I quickly assured her that there wasn’t a single thing she did that caused her to be placed for adoption. When I asked her where this was coming from, she said a little girl at the event had asked her why she was getting adopted and why she wasn’t still with her first parents.
My daughter thought that she had been placed for adoption because she makes lots of mistakes and doesn’t always do the right thing so her birth parents didn’t love her anymore. I informed her that there was not a single person on the entire planet that was capable of not making any mistakes. I then asked her if she would stop loving me because I make lots of mistakes. She was quick with her reply that she would never stop loving me. She then added that the only person who loves me more than her is God because “He always loves the most of all.” “Just like He loves you most of all too,” I told her as I scooped her up in my arms.
That night, I told my daughter that even though I don’t really know all the details about what happened with her birth parents, what I do know without a single doubt is that if I had a choice of every single little girl in the whole wide world that I would choose her to be my daughter every single time. I also told her that it is 100% okay to wish that things had been different and she didn’t need to be adopted. With a blessing, some hugs and kisses, and our “I love you” rituals, she was snuggled into her bed for the night, but I know that this is far from the last time we will have this conversation.
I wish my daughter didn’t have to suffer the huge losses she has had to experience in her short life. I wish she was just a carefree 8-year-old navigating the world we live in without questioning whether she is going to do something wrong one too many times and cause someone else to walk out on her. Then I am brought back to those words from 10 years ago. There is nothing you could ever do to make God stop loving you. I pray that those words sink so deeply into her heart that nothing that happens to her in this world can erase that Truth from her recollection. I hope these words sink deeply into your hearts too.
Christine Dufresne has been a Promised Pauline Cooperator for 5 years. Originally from New Bedford, MA, she served at a mission in Kentucky for 16 months before moving back to MA where she currently lives in Norwood. In addition to being a foster parent, she has been working with children in various ways for the past 25 years, helping with the children’s program on retreats and with the Holy Family Institute group in Boston, and is currently a nanny for several families. She serves as a Eucharistic minister in her home parish of St. Catherine’s in Norwood. Most recently she has completed her studies and is awaiting graduation with her Bachelor’s in Psychology/Human Services. She has embarked on latest part of her journey to adoption from foster care of a sweet seven year old little girl. God is Good!!!